Being the bigger person...sucks sometimes

As my title states, I am tired of being the bigger person and no pun intended as I stand six feet tall.

I feel like I have reached an emotional disconnect with myself in trying to take the mature route in how people treat me.

Hurt my feelings? It's okay, I understand (instead of f*ck off you piece of sh*t!)
Spoke badly behind my back? I really didn't appreciate that, I thought we were cool (instead of going WWE Smackdown on their a**)

Ate the last piece of chicken, I was saving for dinner? Sends a text, saying how it's not fair and all they should have done was ask instead of taking what didn't belong to them (instead of going into their room and burning all their clothes.)

Extreme I know, I kid... but being taken advantage of sometimes can lead to a big imagination.

Since I was a young girl, my parents would always say "Ifunanya, don't
burn bridges."

I took that as, don't do things that would drastically affect your relationship with people, and yet forgot that their actions drastically affected me. I didn't support myself in moments of conflicts, pain or abuse - because in a very unhealthy manner I didn't want to burn any bridges, despite the way I felt about them or the situation.

Being the bigger person...sucks sometimes. Even though people may applaud you for your self-control, calmness and level of maturity in not going full Khalessi (Season 8, Episode 5) on their a**es. There's still a great void in not addressing how you feel.

Left with the lingering chills of their action, but also the bitter taste because I never learned to vocalize my frustration or anger all in the name of not burning bridges or being the mature one all the time -  really confused me.

No, I am not some ticking time bomb, bottling my anger until one day a stranger skips me in line at CVS and I go full berserk and drop kick them to the floor. What I am saying is, taking the high road, shouldn't leave one feeling emotionally low.

I am learning now in therapy, not verbalizing my frustrations when someone did something I didn't appreciate suppresses my own feelings on the matter, somehow I was protecting them from my hurt but wasn't protecting myself. 

So rather than burning any bridges, I have decided to wear the armor of self-love, the helmet of forgiveness, the shield of self-worth and the sword of speaking up for myself. If the bridge burns than at least I did it the right way and most importantly I am still standing.